Chasing The High

Right now, I am still floating on the soft, most wonderful pillow of happiness at finally having landed a publishing contract. I am still utterly delighted every time I see my front cover – Mine! 😉 And I still let out the odd squee whenever it pops into my mind.

But I am sure this will end – and where will I be then? The thought of this worries me.

So, since I realised that this will wear off I have been writing like crazy. Ideas have flown into my mind day and night, causing me to write as if tomorrow I will lose my hands. I am excited and determined, and I am rarely too tired to write.

But I am wondering if what I am feeling is NEED? A need to chase the high of getting an acceptance. A need to feel that elation again, the utter  perfection of having something that you have worked so hard on to be liked – accepted -PUBLISHED!

But – and it’s a big but – what if I never get another book published? What if I never feel that acceptance again?

Where will I be then?

Oh, gosh… When I first started writing to get published I steeled myself for the rejections, the cold ‘Its not for us’ Emails, and the ache of not succeeding. But I never once got myself prepared for the idea that once I have sold one – then I will have to sell another, and another, and another to feel satisfied.

Sayings like ‘It was a fluke’ Play in my head and taunt me… I know this sounds melodramatic, but I am now worried that I am a one trick pony.

Oh, god – don’t let me be a fat little Shetland pony!

*Cries and returns to writing like a crazed lady*



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